I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
