I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
