I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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