believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
