using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
