Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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