I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
