just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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