i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
