Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
