I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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