I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
