Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
