Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
