my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
