Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
