dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
