yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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