Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
