Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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