There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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