Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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