guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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