I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
