This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
