Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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