All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
