If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
