So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
