my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
