I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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