is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
