:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
