then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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