I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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