You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
