Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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