Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
