I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
