Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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