I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
