we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
