There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
