I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
