Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
