Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
