apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
