Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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