Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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