Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
