I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
