No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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