Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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