He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
