found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
